Giving Forgiveness a Chance

I need to think about this forgiveness journey. I have all of these lopped off relationships that came about because I had been hurt along the way and wanted no more of it. When I lopped them off, I insisted that they stay lopped off until eternity. But the last lop-off was my sister and I miss her. I don't want to leave the world like this and I don't want her to leave me without saying goodbye.

I need to know if there are other choices out there or new pathways. The thing that triggered this idea was an article I read in our daily newspaper written by the Methodist minister entitled, "Giving Forgiveness a chance." Although I had lopped off my church attendance a few years ago, after a big disagreement, I still search for something to think about. One line stood out in the article, "Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself...If we do not forgive, we allow someone else to live in our heads rent-free."

I have taken a great deal of misplaced pride in the fact that when I was thru with someone, I stayed through with them: my ex-husband who had filed for divorce twenty years before and married one of the women he had been involved with; that applied tomy pastor who had deceived the church and me; that applied to all of the university administration who had not renewed my contract when I was 70 years old; and this applied to my sister and her children who had treated me with disrespect after I had taken care of her for three months and moved in with her temporarily so she would not be alone after losing her husband and oldest child within a four month period.

I spend way too much time, these days, avoiding these people and keeping them out of my sights and my thoughts. But they crept back into my head at night and they lurked there where they have lived part-time rent-free.