The Forgiveness Road

I googled "forgiveness" and came to a site called The Forgiveness Road. Hoping to get a scent of something that would be pertinent to me in my situation, I read its mission to provide resources to those who have been injured by abuse "so they are able to forgive the abuser and free themselves from the hatred, bitterness and thoughts of revenge that haunt them."

This would not be me. I do not hate people who have wronged me, I am not bitter in my conversations about them and I do not seek revenge. I want them to fly up in the clouds and never come down into my world again. I do not want to even think about them again. I want them to be a non-happening in my schemata. And it all worked.

Until my sister was the culprit and I miss seeing her and being able to respond when people ask about her without gritting my teeth. If there is a forgiveness road, I want to see what roads I have to travel first without making the choice to make the choice.

So I read further for pithy sayings.

* Forgiving happens in three stages:

l. We rediscover the humanity of the person who wronged us.
2. We surrender our right to get even.
3 We wish the person well.

We forgive people only for what they do, never for what they are.
Forgiving is a journey, the deeper the wound, the longer the journey.
Forgiviing does not require us to reunite with the person who broke our trust

So, I have to start--today-- somewhere. I will start on the wound which is not that deep (but still hurts.) My contract was not renewed in June from the University and it was mishandled by the pompous arrogant person who was interim Vice President. I was so stunned and hurt that I packed my drawers in the office, moved out and let the staff all know that I wanted nothing more to do with them. They obliged. It was the easy thing to do and the most comfortable for them. They still had to work there.

Today, because I intend to find out if this whole "forgiveness" stuff is theological hogwash perpetrated by churchpeople who need sermon topics of interest, I made an instant decision I went out to lunch with one of the staff, Sam D., and talked about who we were and are. He was a likely suspect: never had done anything to hurt me in any way, praises my work behind my back, and has a kind heart and an ear for listening. We talked--about how his work was going and I tried to listen without jumping ahead thinking of some way I could throw in something critical of the administration and its handling of things. I resisted being unkind of anyone and it didn't reek of hypocrisy after a couple of sentences.

I don't think you could say this was even a baby step. He had never harmed me. He just belonged to the web of people who are caught up in my attempts to remove people from my world. Sam re-entered this world today. I am not taking him into my daily life again, at this point; I am just accepting his companionship for what it is at the moment.