"I'm Sorry"

My daughter and I were talking yesterday about the Sunday School group that she teaches. She said some of the women in the class would be so much better if someone around them would simply say "I'm sorry". Such a small phase but it sticks permanently in the throat.

As I approach the agony of seeing my ex-husband this weekend, I thought I would make a list of what I could actually say I'm sorry for:

I'm sorry that you didn't care enough about how marriage to even discuss putting it back together with me.

I'm sorry that you made the decision and never allowed me to have a anything but a secondary role in what was supposed to be a partnership.

I'm sorry that you never mentioned that you were sorry for anything, including tearing up our family for all time.

I'm sorry that I allow you to still get to me after 20 years.

I'm sorry that I am still sorry for what you put me through in humiliation, anger, resentment, financial loss and tearing up a family--mine, yours, and ours.

Somehow, I can't think that he would be interested in hearing any of my views about anything. I am sorry though for not being enough for him. I thought I tried more than I failed.